Back in skinny jeans

Smutvibe: social site for you floozies

So you hate the fact that your Ho-ness is censored on your MySpace type social places. No nasty, slutty pics or videos allowed. And, put a sock into that potty mouth of yours.

Well fret not, there is a new social site called SmutVibes where the smuttier you are the better. Get floozy. Let your inner Ho run amok online. Oh yeah! Let it all hang out here and swing from bone to bone, if you know what I mean [wink]. You must be 18 to play in this trollup house, but since the site is FREE, I am worried just how they are going to control this. Kids can lie about their age.

Ironically, the company who created SmutVibes has created another social site called ChristianVibes for Christians to mingle and socialize with each other. SmutVibes and ChristianVibes. I won't even go on about what images pop into my head. I'll let you fill in the blank.

Skinny jeans excercise

Here's an exercise to try. This is going to be an acting exercise, and it will be fun and enlightening.

Pick one day, one 24 hour period. It doesn't matter if it's a weekday or weekend. During that day, you are going to be the lead actor/actress in a movie about you called, "I'm in my skinny jeans." Go about your day like any other day, but in this special 24 hour period you are going to live your life like you ALREADY fit back into your skinny jeans. Even if you are many sizes away from your skinny jeans, in your head for this one day, you are totally there. There's no more dreaming, waiting, or being afraid. You are going to act, behave, and feel like the skinny jeans dream has come true. For many of you, you have gotten back into the skinny jeans before, so go back and remember what those feelings were, and feel them again. I know for me, as an example, when I was in my skinny jeans, I never felt nervous meeting new people. I was more confident talking to strangers.

I'm going to do this exercise too, and my day is going to be this Sunday. I'll let you know what I did, and what happened. The point of this exercise is to take a brief moment and move forward. No more waiting and dreaming for a life we want to live until we get thin. Let's get a taste today.

Fat chick, Hot guy

Some might say that a fat chick with a hot guy is like a unicorn, a mythical thing. Let’s look at TV. There are plenty of shows of fat guys with hot chicks like King of Queens, According to Jim, and Still Standing. In cartoons, we had Fred and Wilma Flinstone. But, where do we see the fat wife with the hunky husband. Rosanne was a big woman, but her husband was still bigger than her.

On the show Rescue Me, they did do a storyline where one of the steamy, but not too intelligent, firemen starts dating a fat girl his mom sets him up with. At first, he is repulsed by her, but then he ends up in the sack with her because hey it’s easy sex. She turns out though to be “the best” sex he has ever had, and soon he becomes obsessed. In an ironic twist, she dumps him because she finds someone else who treats her with respect, and is not inclined to hide her from his friends. She may have been easy, but this cookie isn’t going to put up very long with someone who doesn’t treat her well, even if he could pose in a calendar. It was cool to see the “fat ugly” girl kick the jerk to the curb. He can’t believe it, and in the end he says, “But, I’m a hot fireman!” 

I had a co-worker, Edward, who was a really hot guy with a fat girlfriend. When I first met Edward’s girlfriend, I was shocked. I mean guys who look like Brad Pitt typically date girls who look like they could get guys that look like Brad Pitt. Edward told me that people are initially shocked the first time they meet Susan. The two of them had been together for 5 years because she makes him laugh, she stands by him, and he can’t think of anyone else he’d rather spend his time with. I mean it was really beautiful, and for real. When you get to know Susan, you’d want to marry her too, and you don’t see the extra pounds any more.

On TV, I wonder though, would viewers be interested in seeing a relationship between a fat chick with a hot guy? If they focused on the story instead if the weight issue, would we still be interested? If the story was like Edward and Susan, I think it just might work.

Getting naked for the first time

One of the most vulnerable moments for a woman is the first time we have to get naked in front of a new man. You know what I'm talking about. You meet a new guy, and all is wonderful, and you are going to have sex with him for the first time, which means he finally gets to see you naked. You know he is just salivating in anticipation of that naked moment. You on the other hand probably have a gamut of thoughts running through your head like,"I hope he doesn't mind my saggy boobs. What will he think of my appendectomy scar. My gut isn't flat like the Victoria Secret models will he be grossed out. etc. etc."

I truly admire the women who can get to the point where they feel free to be in their nakedness and are comfortable in their own skin no matter what other people may think. I imagine it is quite a liberating feeling, and one I would hope to aspire to one day. Is it possible yes? Will I get there? I hope so, but I know it will be a hard challenge, especially for a recovering Ms. Perfectionist.

I remember the first time I got naked in front of Matt. It was symbolic on many levels for me because this relationship is also the first one where I have allowed myself to be naked on all levels with him. This is the first relationship where I did not play games to try and catch him. I did not skew the truth to try to impress him. I exposed the deep dark secrets of my past in the very beginning so that he not only got to know me, but also so that he was aware of what he was getting himself into. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just wanted him to know my particular relationship issues and wanted him to be aware of that. There are some men who cannot deal with dating a woman who has gone through rape or have hang ups about sex. It's not to say they are bad or weak as men, it's just what it is. We all have our limits and capabilities.

When I decided to do this "Live an authentic life", it meant having to come clean in the relationship area. In the past, I admittedly lied about many things to the men I was dating. In my head, I rationalized it as marketing. After all, that is what I did for a living, and we all market ourselves so that our target audience is "sold" on our package. When telling my past to a few potential boyfriends, there were some who could not handle it, and then there was someone like Matt who told me that if we ended up getting more serious and then breaking up, for whatever reasons, it would not be because of any of the things from my past. When Matt said this to me, I fell in love with him. Not because I was desperate, or because I figured this would be the only man that would accept me in this way, but because he was able to see behind my walls and see what beautiful things I could offer him. Getting naked emotionally in front of Matt has always been easy.

Finding love and skinny jeans

In my humble opinion, the primary reason every woman is willing to wage the battle to get back into the skinny jeans for years is to get love. We equate being skinny with being loved. When you are loved you are important to someone, you matter, you belong, you have a sense of purpose, and most of all you have someone else’s love.

Love for our selves, and love from our family and friends is not enough for most people. We need to have the love of a significant other, the ying to our yang. This need is so powerful that it is a pervasive message in advertising. I mean look at all those Victoria Secret catalogs. They scream to us, if you buy my underwear, you too can be desired and therefore loved. Men look at those ads and want a woman like that or want their woman to be sexy like that, and women look at those same VS ads and think how can I get my body to look hot like that. I can’t wear that underwear until I have that kind of figure. But once I do, I will be able to get a man to love me or my man will love me once again. It sounds silly to read it in print, but be honest; you have at least believed that thought once if not many times in your own life.

I remember throughout all my 20’s and the better half of my early 30’s going to the gym 5-6 days a week to either keep onto my size 10 figure or to get into a size 8. For me, at 5’7”, being a size 6 is too small The one time I was that thin my ribs were sticking out, my hip bones were protruding, and my ass bones hurt sitting on park benches or fold out chairs. It just wasn’t fun for me. A size 8 on the other hand was always my ideal. I always believed that when I could finally be a size 8 that Prince Charming would arrive and I would have the kind of love that I had always dreamed of.

For me though, size 8 came many times, and each time lots of men came along also, but Prince Charming never showed up, and the ones who I thought might be Mr. Charming turned out to be cads. It turns out that a big part of the problem was that these wanna be Charmings were sold be the image I was selling, and not the real me. That of course was my problem, and I didn’t learn that until I started killing off my social selves. It’s so easy to blame the men, and think that all of them are assholes. As you get older and go through a string of assholes, it starts to dawn on you that the only thing in common with all these assholes is you, so therefore the men aren’t the problem, it’s you. Yikes!

Jack and the holiday ball

Once a year, I eat at Jack in the Box just so I can get my grubby hands on one of those adorable antenna car balls. It's the one time I give up my habit of eating healthy whole foods. There's no thinking about the skinny jeans. It's all about getting the ball and enjoying my combo meal.

My boyfriend, bless his heart, remembered this fact today, and surprised me with a trip to Jack in the Box where he bought one Large combo meal #6 The double cheeseburger with fries and a Diet Coke. We split the meal, but I got the antenna ball. This year there is a choice of three balls, and I chose the Snowman in top hat. Go get your Jack in the Box ball...

Yes, I admit to getting completely sucked into this marketing ploy to buy Jack's  fast food delicacies. I eat at chain fast food MAYBE 3 times a year. Watching the movie "Supersize Me" was the last nail in the coffin for me when it comes to fast food. Now being realistic though, I can't give up fast food all together because let's face it, this is America where we live hectic lives with little time, so there will be the times when the only food in sight when you're famished is from the golden arches or south of the border. Then every holiday season there are Jack's holiday balls.

The best part of today though was not getting the snowman antenna ball, it was the fact that Mattie remembered this yearly treat of mine all on his own. We took our meal and ate it at a picnic table at the marina where he launches his kayak when he goes for a ride around the San Francisco bay. It was a very intimate time together. It was one of those happy moments you remember when you come to place where you question why you are together or when you simply remind yourself why you love your man. Today was a beautiful day with my sweetie.

Co-bedding preemies works for adults

I have just become an auntie/godmother of triplet girls, and it is truly amazing. What's even more amazing is that these girls were born at week 26 which is about 3 months premature. As of today, they are full term. Initially when born they weighed between 1lb 6oz and 1lb. 11oz. It was scary for awhile, but all are healthy and doing well. They are still in the hospital but they are all sleeping in one crib together. This is called co-bedding.

When babies come as multiples, as soon as they are strong enough, they start putting them together in one crib so that they are not alone any more. All the bonding helps them stay alive and healthy. Makes perfect sense. The world is always a better place when you have someone, and you're not alone. This is why we as adults crave so much for a special someone, so that we can have that sense that someone is there just for us. My favorite way to sleep is spooning with my boyfriend. Just laying there in his arms and feeling his heartbeat and warm breathe, makes me feel incredibly safe and loved. I've slept in a bed alone for many years, and after spending more than a year sleeping with Matt, I can see why people jump quickly into relationships. Sleeping by yourself can be very lonely.

I visit my nieces in the hospital, and I watch them sleep in their crib. They are all swaddled and laying right next to each other. They look so warm and cuddly. There is so much peace and tranquility around them, and their job is simply to eat, breathe, and grow. These beautiful children have their whole lives ahead of them, and it's really exciting to know that they will have this special bond with each other. Being part of a triplet is a very special thing because there aren't that many around. A part of me wishes that I could jump in that crib with them, and be one of them. I'd have a chance to start over and this time not be alone.

Quote for the day: Men for women

The supply of good women far exceeds that of the men who deserve them.  ~Robert Graves

Any woman over the age of 30 absolutely knows this fact more than anyone. I know tons of wonderful women who are single and have been single for a long time. Whenever a great guy becomes available, he is without a woman for about 5 minutes. Good men get snatched up before you have time to put on your next coat of mascara. Why, because there are far more great women than good men.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am no man basher. I love men, and have great respect for them. But, let's face it, girls become women much sooner than boys become men. Just because you are in a bigger body with more hormones and money does not make you a man. Every woman knows a 40 year old guy with Peter Pan syndrome. How many women do you know who are 40 yet still think they are 25? They exist but in much lower quantities than men.

As soon as a man reaches a fine level of maturity, understanding, patience, and compassion, he is snatched up pronto. This is why women can get really competitive when it comes to good available men, and this is where the sprint to get back into the skinny jeans or the desperation to stay in the skinny jeans comes in. Guys are attracted by physical appearance, and so it would seem that the one with the midriff baring outfits and skinny butt is the one who gets the man. This of course is a powerful illusion we buy into.

Most men I know after the age of 35, say that looks are important in that you have to be physically attracted to the woman, but they have dated enough "beautiful" picture perfect type women to know that looks are not what makes for a caring, sustainable, healthy relationship for the long run. In fact, what's the  joy in being with someone who looks like a beauty queen but is so self absorbed and high maintenance.

To all those women who are still looking for Mr. Right, have faith. It may take you longer than you expected, but there is someone for everyone, and it is better to hold out for the good one, than to be with some guy just because you don't want to be alone.