Back in skinny jeans

Best of BISJ: Chats in therapy: "Am I screwed up or brilliant?"

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted July 24, 2007.

In the early days of BISJ, I used to share stories about my episodes on the therapist couch. This specific scene happened about 2002. The point in sharing some of my own neurosis was to help make people feel less uptight about their own journey because that can be easy to do. I know. I used to be the queen of making rivers out of puddles.

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“You know what Meg, I just feel completely screwed up. I'm totally broken. Let’s face it. I'm so dysfunctional that I must have every neurosis known to human kind.

I mean, who’s going to want to be with me? Who would want to marry or hire someone who is as fucked up in the head as me? Tell me.”

“First let’s put a little perspective on things just so we can be clear about where we are. You don’t have every neurosis or dysfunction that a woman could have because I’ve seen people with much bigger issues than you, and you know people yourself who are much worse off than you."

Well, she is right there. I'll give her that. My drama queen tendencies can get the best of me sometimes. That's why we see someone who can be objective and calm.

"To you, at this moment it feels like you are the worst of the bunch, but you aren’t. The part you're struggling with is the perfectionist who still thinks everything is a complete disaster if things did not go perfectly. Granted, yes you have quite a few things to deal with, but nothing that can't be healed." (more after the jump)

Best of BISJ: Skinny Myth: "When I'm thin, Prince Charming will show up"

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted August 2, 2007

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I believe that one of the most powerful skinny myths women buy into is, "When I reach my goal weight and get skinny, Prince Charming will show up and I will be loved and adored." Raise your hand if this belief was one of the motivating factors in at least one of your weight loss efforts. [My hand is up.]

So, why is that so many of us buy this belief?

For me, it started in high school. I noticed that all the popular girls who were always thin and pretty always had boys swarming all over them, talking about them, and wanting to date them. I wanted to be one of those girls, and Junior year, I did become one of those "desired" chicks after shedding 20 pounds, getting contacts, visiting a dermatologist to clear up my acne, and growing out my hair a few inches. I was even nominated for Homecoming Princess. Yeah, big dream come true!

After high school, I spent the next umpteenth years staring at celebrity couples and models in the fashion magazines. [more after the jump]

Best of BISJ: The worst thing you can do after a break-up: Compare yourself to others

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted August 31, 2007 written 2 weeks after my breakup with boyfriend of 3 years. We lived together too. We broke up because I asked the question and wanted a serious answer this time, "Where is this going?" Oh yeah...

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Wednesday was the worst emotional day I have had since the break-up two weeks ago. I lost it in a monumentally huge way and spent half the day crying, screaming, and feeling the hatred/resentment stage coming on.

I even destroyed some nick nacks in a fit of calamatious rage. I just had to literally break some things in order to vent. It all started when Matt told me that our former next door neighbor, Carrie (not her real name) was pregnant.

Now Carrie met this guy through her job and started dating him in February of this year. She moved in with him in May. They got engaged in June, and in August found out that she is pregnant. Carrie is on top of the moon, and blissfully happy.

She met her soul mate and is just thrilled beyond belief. Now, I know (logically) that her relationship has happened at Superman speed and who knows if they will last because they really just met, but my emotions don't care about any of that logical stuff.

Oh no! All the emotions heard was "She's getting married to her soul mate and having a kid and living in a new house and you are not and you are 9 years older than her, you childless old spinster bag you who's just been dumped by your non-committal boyfriend of 3 years." Again, it's all insecure irrational break up emotion but that is what bubbled to the surface: my humanness.

The news of Carrie was then the tipping point to comparing myself to everyone else I know and what life changes they have experienced in the 3 years that Matt and I have been together.

Best of BISJ: Dear Steph: Help! My Inner Resistance Monster has taken over the driver's seat

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted June 26, 2008

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Dear Steph,

I have a more philosophical question about the Inner Resistance Monster. Where does it come from? Mine feels like it's in the driver's seat lately, not the passenger seat, much less the backseat. It feels like it's in charge and despite my best intentions, it's hell bent on cookie binging and making excuses for skipping workouts. Can you discuss where it comes from, what it responds to and of course, how to get it out of the driver's seat.

Heather

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Dear Heather,

Ah yes! Our friend the Inner Resistance Monster. In fact, one way to start achieving peace with your IR Monster is to start looking at him/her as a friend and not a foe, albeit on the surface, it may not look or feel friendly, but really the IR Monster is here to help you grow.

In a nutshell, the Inner Resistance Monster is that part of you that is the protector of your fears. All of us have fears about particular things, and typically fears are related to things like loss, pain, suffering, humiliation or heart break; things typically labeled “bad” that we want to avoid or never experience. Fears are also related to loss of power, control, and the known. If you notice, your fears will typically intensify when you start to venture into the “unknown.”

What is the IR Monster’s job?

Best of BISJ: Is Diet Blogging a Helpful or Hurtful Thing?

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted October 13, 2008

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Jezebel wrote an interesting post asking: Is it possible to write about your weight struggles for a living and emerge unscathed? Since I am one of the top bloggers in the diet/fit niche category going on 3 years now and making a living from this topic, I thought this an excellent question to answer especially for those of you who are thinking about starting to blog to track your weight loss efforts, and/or want to make money blogging about it. My answer:

"Using blogging as a tool to help you lose weight is very helpful when done within parameters."

By far, from my experience, the key difference between helpful diet blogging and hurtful diet blogging is parameters, boundaries. And I will scream it from the roof tops people, set boundaries!

One of the reasons Back in Skinny Jeans has climbed to the top of the heap in the diet/fit blog category is that I, Stephanie the blogger, have established boundaries for me and for this blog. So, to help you have a more helpful versus hurtful diet blogging experience, here are 5 pieces of advice that I give to all new diet/fit bloggers around creating boundaries:

Best of BISJ: Why Do We Love Our Beauty Products?

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted January 17, 2007

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I cannot leave the house without something on my lips whether it be lipstick or lip gloss. I feel naked without anything on my kisser.

As vain as this is, I even wear a little lipstick or gloss to the gym. Yes, yes, yes, it is so vain but I at least wear a muted color or earthy tone to get that there-but-not-there look. What can I say? I can’t help myself. 

Meg, over at Faking Good Breeding, brought up some good questions in a post called, "Why I love Beauty Products." She asks: 

• Why do beauty products hold so much power over women?

• What leads someone to pay $100 an ounce for a face cream that carries no guarantee of working?

• What do you love or hate beauty products?

Meg asked other women for their opinion, and to blog about it. I thought that was a fantastic question to ask, so I’m going to share my thoughts, and ask you to do the same. 

Beauty = Power

Whether we like it or not, all through time, in all cultures, and in all space/time continuums, beauty is a source of power for women and men. What is considered beautiful is subjective to the culture and time, but if you are one of those who fit into the designated ideal image of beauty, then you get adoration, privilege, and access. This is why we all want to look pretty and handsome. You get to have a “better” life. 

When you hang out at Sephora or the makeup counters at the department stores, you immediately start to feel the possibilities. Makeup and other beauty products like anti-wrinkle creams, lotions, and youth potions are tools that help us look pretty so that we can feel alluring and desirable. Yes, it's that sexy thing. And you know what; there is nothing wrong with that.

It is absolutely natural to want to feel desired, accepted, and cherished. Where it gets weird is when we think that we are only defined by our physical looks, and that the other parts of us like our minds, spirit, and kindness don’t matter as much, or don’t contribute to our overall beauty as well.

Makeup and beauty products can't fix what's missing inside, but that doesn't mean a nice body scrub that makes our skin feel silky and smell flowery can't help perk us up from time to time.

Makeup is fun

Makeup is also a fun part of being a girl. It’s fun to have the Mary Kay type parties with your girlfriends. It’s amusing to have slumber parties and try each other’s lipsticks, blush, and eye shadows. It's dazzling to get a manicure and pedicure with your best friend and talk about the latest hottie you're dating. It’s a blast to go to the spa and get slathered with their mojo potions. It’s glamorous to go to the MAC counter and have a professional “do” your face. 

And do we get suckered into buying all that makeup, or even at least one thing, that the pro used to make our face shine? Absolutely! Yes, we're buying the dream, and it is a powerfully enticing dream. And is it bad to get suckered into a moment of consumerism for something that brightened our day? No. Again, it just gets too much when we think that buying all that stuff will somehow make us better people or make up for a lack of self esteem we are feeling.

Most of us can’t replicate what the pro did at the store, but we try, sometimes with our girlfriends in tow, and we have fun trying to be a Bobbi Brown even for a moment. We have our beauty tools and they make us laugh, and smile, and remember the good old days like when we were in Junior High enjoying our Bonne Bells.

I love my make-up and beauty products. They bring joy and pleasure to me. And yeah, when I put on fire engine red lipstick it makes me feel zesty. For enquiring minds, my favorite lipstick colors at the moment are MAC CocoNutty, Chintz, and Fetish topped with the Lustreglass Sinnamon. If you think you may have seen me at the MAC counter trying on lipsticks or at Sephora looking at nail polishes or spritzing perfumes on a paper stick, you probably did.

Best of BISJ: Margaritas are vegan and gluten free friendly and so are these other Mexican eats

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted May 5, 2008 in my food blog Noshtopia when I did a 7 day gluten free vegan reboot experiment.

Note: I am not vegan nor 100% gluten free but I do enjoy many vegan and gluten free dishes because:

1. I have a type II milk allergy so the dairy free options of vegan foods are great.

2. I like to experiment with eating and cooking using other types of flours like spelt, rice, and other gluten free options.

3. I'm tired of plain old steamed spinach and broccoli like you see in many "diet" food meals. Vegan recipes are very creative in the use of vegetables and grains.

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Happy Cinco de Mayo! For the next 7 days, I'm going gluten free vegan for my "Great Food Reboot Experiment", but that doesn't mean there aren't a bunch of Mexican themed delights that can't be enjoyed like Margaritas which is basically salt, booze, and lime. Here are some other vegan and gluten friendly eats you can enjoy this Cinco de Mayo:

• Corn tortilla chips

• Plantain Chips [About.com]

• Mojito Guacamole with Cassava Chips [Noshtopia]

• Spicy Tortilla Soup [Spice Island Vegan]

• Tomatilla Salsa Verde [Back in Skinny Jeans]

• Chile Rellenos stuffed with brown rice [Vegan Food]

• Gluten Free Churros. To make it vegan replace the milk with a soy or rice milk [Gluten Free Guru]

• Horchata - rice based [Food Network]

Update: Some sweet & sour mixes can have egg in them as a foaming agent so be sure to ask the bartender. If you're making drinks at home, here's a recipe for vegan friendly sweet & sour mix. [The Vegan Wolf]

Best of BISJ: Did You Cage Your "Wild Thing" Because You Gained Weight?

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted November 8, 2007

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We all have a "Wild Thing" that lives inside us. Wild Thing is the part of us that has no inhibitions, doesn't care how "nice girls" are supposed to act, and lives in the moment. Wild Thing knows how to let loose, wears that fire engine red lipstick, and works the sexitude. Wild Thing gets naughty and apologizes later rather than asks for permission. You can let Wild Thing out to do her thang without hurting others or yourself.

It's easy, almost a pre-requisite to let Wild Thing out when you're thin and in the skinny jeans, but what happens when you gain weight? Is Wild Thing caged in with those pounds of protection? Did you gain weight because the skinny Wild Thing got into too much trouble and found herself in too many sexually toxic or dangerous situations? Is that fat really an excuse to deny your sexuality, your rebel, your true self that you're afraid of?

Now, letting Wild Thing out on a daily basis is not a healthy or responsible thing to do, but once in awhile it's healthy fun to let Wild Thing out to play. That's why most people love vacation because it's a time when you can let Wild Thing out free without judgment from yourself or others. Trip rules: "What happens on the road, stays on the road."

If you haven't seen your "Wild Thing" in eons, let her out this weekend. Go kiss that boy you've been wanting to smooch. Go buy that sexy teddy you've been secretly eyeing and then strip for your sweetie. Have a girls night out where no one is allowed to talk about work, kids, significant others, or their "fat." If you can afford it, look at the last minute Getaway packages at United or American and get on a plane and go somewhere you've never been.

Ditch the chores and taking care of everyone else's needs, and take one day to make it all about you. Do what you want to do, and don't explain yourself. Dance and sing "Wild Thing" in front of the mirror like you're a rock star!

Enjoy Best of BISJ While We're on an 8-Week (+ 7 Days) Hiatus

From April 13 through June 5, Back in Skinny Jeans will be on hiatus. But not to worry, like reruns during TV summer break, we'll post Tues-Thu "Best of Back in Skinny Jeans" posts for you to enjoy.

During the BISJ hiatus, I'm experimenting with my new blog Everyday Tweet, tips & talk helping people live more authentic lives in small ways. Everyday Tweet also is a place where I'm teaching people the benefits and uses of Twitter, as a way to leverage the influence I've now built on Twitter @skinnyjeans. Here's the full story on why I'm blog experimenting, and what I hope to learn.

Back in Skinny Jeans will be back with new content on June 8. Thank you for your readership!

UPDATE (6/8): I need a few more days so please do come back on June 11. It's going to be a happy day :)

UPDATE (6/11): Okay, you know I hate to be the flake, but I need a bit more time. Got a bit derailed this week, and it affected my ability to focus. More on that later. We're on Tue 6/16. Again, thank you all for your patience!

Best of BISJ: Are You Eating a Bag of Oreos When You Should Be Forgiving Yourself?

Best of Back in Skinny Jeans: Originally posted January 14, 2008

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Have you been over eating a particular food or type of food lately because really what's going is that you're trying to relieve some guilt you are feeling over making a mistake or you are feeling like you have failed some how?

When I was in college, I went through this Oreo cookie phase where I couldn't eat just 2-3 cookies. Nope! I had to eat half the bag a day. I wouldn't eat all the Oreos in one seating. I'd spread the cookie noshing out. I'd eat a bunch of Oreos at lunch, then some in the afternoon when class was done, and then finish the rest of the cookies during prime time TV. Then the next day, I'd do the same thing and finish off the whole bag. A whole box of Oreos by the way is 2400 calories.

Later in therapy, I discovered that during my Oreo binging phase what was really going on with me was that I couldn't forgive myself for not being what my parents wanted me to be. The folks wanted me to go to some prestigious college like a Harvard or Stanford, which I had what it took to get in one of those places, but I chose to go to C-list San Francisco State. (Again remember, Asian parents who are stuck on prestige factor. Years later, going to SF State is still the best decision I ever made.) The folks then wanted me to go to med school and become a doctor like any good Asian girl is supposed to do.

It didn't help that my mother came from a family history of medical professionals, and I was supposed to carry the torch into the next generation being that I was the third oldest of all the grandkids, and my two cousins older than me were medical students. Nope! I wanted to be something creative like an architect, a product designer, or a filmmaker. I have always been talented in the creative arts, but to my old school Asian parents: Art = poor = failure.

And now, the inner judge gets to lay down my sentence, and I relieve my guilt with creme filling because well, sugary goodness is comforting...